April 15th
I realize it’s been a while. Didn’t have much time to write
with 5 weeks of traveling.
And 2 weeks of being lazy..
During the month of March, I made a trip back to the states.
Starting a few months before my vacation, I had the same
thought over and over – how exactly is this going to go?
9 months in Africa with the majority of my time being spent
in a small village.
First stop on my agenda – New York City. Never having been.
I prepared myself for a total meltdown.
There were a couple of those:
Buying boots at a store in New York just off the plane. The
ceiling was a mirror and I couldn’t find a single salesperson to help me. I
just needed to know where I could find socks!
Having my hair straightened. After having arguably no hair
for a year, a boys hair cut for a year, and now this tangled mop from Peace
Corps, straight, shoulder-length hair for the first time in 3 years made me
feel like I had had a head transplant.
Having the same conversation about Africa 10 times. With a
band playing outside and a loonng line in a crowded bar. (not that I didn’t
love sharing with people who were genuinely interested in my experience. Just
without a lot of pauses for breath it got a bit overwhelming..)
But other than those few moments when I was unable to cope
with my stress, being home went surprisingly well. I conquered the New York
subway – only taking the wrong train once. Got to see my wonderful family and
spend time with so many great friends. They had lots to update me on.. I ate a
TON of good food. Drank some good beer. Played with our now HUGE dog – he was a
puppy when I left. Didn’t fall down in heels at my cousins wedding. And even got
to do a couple publicity gigs in my hometown.
I won’t give you a play by play of all my activities because
well.. they weren’t really abnormal for anyone but me. You’d probably get the
impression that I was writing about your daily routine..
However, there were a few major conclusions I made at home
that were directly influenced by my 10
months in Africa:
1. Talking to strangers is weird.
In Africa, you say hi to everyone. Ask about their kids,
wife, job, health, if they woke up well that day, etc. Then you say you’ll see
each other soon and continue on your way. You take a walk 10 minutes up the
street and pass 10 people. You say hi to all 10 of those people.
Forgot it’s a bit different in other parts of the world..
Fresh off the plane, I make my way to the subway and find a
seat. Everyone had their eyes dead ahead, pretending not to notice anyone
around them. They’re prepared to just ride in silence from point A to point B.
Some may be distracted by a book or a conversation with a friend, but most
exist alone with their thoughts. Headed to Brooklyn, this guy hops on the train,
all dressed in black with thick rimmed glasses and a guitar. He pulls out his
instrument and gives a passionate performance of “There She Goes” by The
Las.
The whole time, I’m singing along in my head and thinking,
“God New York is awesome. 15 minutes and I’ve already seen live music on the
train. What else is in store?!“ After he wrapped up, he took a bow and hurried
off the next car. On his way, I touched his arm and told him he’d made my day.
I could tell I’d taken him buy surprise. He gave me an odd look, a quick
thanks, and rushed away. I turned to the guy next to me and said, “Hey, that
was pretty cool, huh?” Second odd look and a “Uhh yeah. I guess so.”
2. The ratio of time spent being on our phones to time spent
interacting with the real world is probably approaching 1. (If you’re not a
math person, that means they're about equal.)
My first night back in Austin was during the week of SXSW.
Week long music/film festival that invades Austin every spring break. Standing
on the upstairs balcony of a bar on Rainy Street overlooking a DJs show, my
friends and I played a game: Who is the most ridiculous person in the audience?
We decided on a tall, lanky character with cargo pants and a beanie with some
very aggressive dance moves. But during our scan of the crowd, I noticed
something else more notable that I knew I was going to save for a blog -- Over
50% of people there were doing something on their phones. Filming. Taking pictures.
Instagraming. Facebooking (I can actually use those as verbs now). Using an app
to determine the next show they were going to attend. Using whatever other
weird apps have come out in the last year. Gaming.
The reason that one guy may have looked so ridiculous to us
was because he was the only person absorbed by the moment, living it out
exactly as intended.
And I didn’t go off to Africa to become a critic of our
society’s dependency on technology. What shocked me was how easily I fell back
into it.
I was irritated at first by friends that couldn’t stay off
their phones while we were visiting. I’d be trying to have a conversation and
they’d be reading the news headlines or checking their emails simultaneously.
It was so irksome for my first few days. I’m back from Africa and you find your
phone, that you spend every waking moment with, to be more worthwhile than my
company?!
Then, I got over it…by doing it too. I’d forgotten what it
was like to have access to so much information right at your fingertips. When
my friends pulled out their phones. So did I. And then I started doing it every
10 minutes just to see what was new. I think I posed 5 new Instagram photos and
5 new Facebook statuses in my week at home. Give or take. More than I’d done my
near year spent abroad. It’s infectious. And like most bad habits, one that
once you start, it’s really hard to kick.
Though getting on a plane back to a land of no 4G data helps..
It’s something I’m still very guilty of, but something I’ve
learned I want to monitor when I return.
3. The world keeps spinning.
I had a really hard first few months in Africa. I kept
thinking about what an incredible life I had back in the states and questioning
my decision to leave it. Every time I thought back to home, I imagined it all
exactly the same without me in it.
It’s easy to see yourself changing and time passing here in
Togo, but you forget to think about what that same amount of time equates to
for people back home.
I had a lot of unexpected surprises during my vacation. Some
people’s lives had changed much more than mine had. Which honestly, I don’t
know why I was so surprised by that fact. There are so many more opportunities
presenting themselves on so many more occasions in a fast-paced society like
that of the U.S. I realize now how much more can happen for people in 2 years
there versus 2 years here in Togo.
People graduating. Getting in to new relationships. Discovering
new dreams. Growing. Shrinking. Experimenting. Quitting jobs. Starting new
ones.
I have projects moving in slow motion. My weeks revolve around
market day. And I think one big event a month means I’m busy. I pass full days
sitting in my compound and 4 hours of work at the local clinic and I’ve done a
lot of work for the day.
4. There are things to miss from every place you invest a
little bit of time.
I could give you a list of over a hundred things I miss
about the U.S. now that I live in Togo. So many things I couldn’t (and still
can’t) wait to get back to. Preparing for my vacation, I was genuinely
concerned that I was going to get back to all those, and not be able to leave
them again.
First day in my parents’ house I slept in until 8am (yes,
that is sleeping in for me now). There were 3 blankets on my queen-sized bed
because I wasn’t used to the air-conditioning. Sleeping when it’s cold is towards
the top of my list on things I really enjoy. When I woke up, I went into the
kitchen, made a cup of crème-brulee coffee with their Keurig, and opened the
fridge to greek yogurt, salad fixings, blueberries, and dark beer. If I were to
imagine myself opening the gates to heaven, that would be it.
Right there.
I made breakfast, headed to the lazy boy, and picked Suits
off the DVR. My mom walked in and, with complete honesty in that moment, I told
her I wasn’t going to be able to go back.
That was still predominantly true for my entire trip. But
there were moments when I thought back to my village. I missed the slow pace of
life. My friends Judith and Raisha and their kids. That feeling of being in a
community where everyone is overinvolved in your life, but it’s only because
they care. My house. My projects taking off. And even the other volunteers.
It made me realize that I can feel “at home” anywhere. I
just have to give it enough time to allow those connections to be made.
5. On that note, I can feel “at home” anywhere!
NYC felt normal. So did Wharton. So did Austin. And so does
Togo.
I’m a very adaptable person. And knowing a bit about who you
are and what you like makes it easy to
find your niche just about anywhere.
It’s empowering.
6. Nothing makes you feel more like your life is worthwhile
than the people you invest it in.
Forgive me. This one is hard to articulate. And you may also
disagree. But here goes.
Our purpose in life means something a little bit different
to everyone. For some, it’s religious. For others, it may be having figured out
who you are or what great things you’ve accomplished in your career. It may be having
acquired so much knowledge through so many different experiences. Or through
having and raising children.
For me, usually this strive to form a theory about the world
and my place in it through my experiences and accomplishments is what makes me
feel like life is worthwhile. This idea that I’m constantly growing and getting
closer and closer to something. If there’s no changes or growth, there’s no
existence in my mind.
However, what I learned during my time home is that while
there is value in having experiences and how their accumulation make us who we
are, how I use the person I’ve become through those experiences to touch others
is so much more meaningful.
You are to the world how other people see you. And realizing
how loved I am by my family and friends. Seeing just how out of the way people
were willing to go to spend time with me, however, limited. All that made me
feel like my existence was so important. That I meant so much to these other
people and that that was my purpose. To bring something in to their lives. And
in turn that is their purpose in my life.
What is worth living for are the people you love and that
who love you in return.
That’s such a simple idea, but one that settled concretely
in my mind for I think the first time in my life. Maybe even while trying to
write this out.
I get that this is more of a conversation. Probably less appropriate
for a blog post. Maybe we will have the pleasure of discussing it sometime.
But now a few fun ones:
7. Beer is even better than I remember. Someone pull one
over on the post office and get me an IPA. Stat.
8. Food can make you cry tears of joy.
9. The song “Africa”
is really really popular. Everywhere. You know, the “I miss the raaiiinns down
in Aaaaaaafrica..”
Of the 7 airports I went through. It played in 5. I can’t
make that up.
Accra. Amsterdam. NYC. Atlanta. Houston.
It just doesn’t fit with Paris. And Lome doesn’t have music
to entertain its many customers.
10. Also.. the whole airline making a mistake and giving you
a free layover in one of the cities of your dreams is a real thing. You think
it may be too good to be true. But oh, it’s possible.
My 5 hour layover in Paris turned into 36. With three free
meals, a free hotel, and a guy from the airport offering to serve as my tour
guide. Hello, Karma.
Sorry if I got a little carried away on some of those. Lots
of ideas flooded out on the keyboard as I tried to find words for my
reflections on being back in America.
I hope it was worth your while.
Though I’m sure many stopped reading after 3.
For all you troopers, thanks for reading.
There’s like 6 more blogs headed your way. I’m a little
behind.
Stay tuned for food poisoning, circumcision festivals, and
creative projects by my health club.
It’s good to be home,
Kumealo
